Elect Donald Trump

I'm only kidding, of course. Who could stand to have that hairdo represent America abroad?

But wouldn't it be something to have a batshit crazy leader on par with Qaddafi? Or even Berlusconi for that matter? We have never really had anyone of that calibre as the leader of the free world.  Bush was a moron, but he wasn't teetering on the brink of a psychotic outbreak. Clinton had his sex scandal, but at least it wasn't with an underage "runaway" (way to go Silvio). Trump, who has long been a bit of an embarrassment and/or curiosity (the pioneer of the financial bailout recipients -- how does one accrue $900 million in personal debt?  And I thought I was fiscally reckless.).  Gawker (yeah, I know but I love Gawker) calls him a "pretend candidate and bloated carnival act"; the Daily News (yeah, I know.  I don't read it except on Derby Day) put him in clown make-up on its front page.  Even Bill-o the Clown is mocking him.  Let that sink in.  The King of the Blowhards thinks he's an idiot for pushing the birther bullshit.  Karl Rove thinks it will marginalize him as a candidate, but who could do a better job of that than the Big Combover himself?

Thin skinned and defensive: How many presidential candidates (or public figures for that matter, Charlie Sheen notwithstanding) deign to respond to negative press to such an extent?  He's touchy enough to mark up a BLOG POST with snotty comments and "corrections" a la his response to Vanity Fair.  When described as tiresome, his inner five year old retorts: "tell that to the crowds. See ratings and polls."

Gauche:  His obsession with gold plating is definitely on a par with a middle eastern dictator.  I mean, just look at this.  Why, Donald, why must you have such bad taste?

Pimpin':  For a man with the worst hairdo in the world and a personality to match it, he'd have to have a lot of money to score the kind of, ahem, ladies we've seen dangling from his arm in the past.  I cut Ivana a little slack because she probably really needed a green card.  Marla Maples, you're just a ho.  I stopped paying attention after that because it makes me nauseous. Maybe he'll get set up with his own crew of femme body guards (though I doubt he'd want virgins).

Born with a Silver Spoon:  Daddy Fred made his millions on real estate, and little Donnie just followed in his footsteps.  Would he know hard work if it bit him in the arse?

The bad penny:  The Donald just won't go away.  It was bad enough when he was a failed real estate mogul who drove businesses he'd snatched up into the ground (e.g. the Taj Mahal, which incidentally is the only place I made money in Atlantic City) and had his high profile affair/divorce/remarriage.  No, he had to make a comeback and build that atrocity near the UN which is a blight on East River.  Then Reality TV happened and a whole new generation of numb nuts had to pay attention to him (which is the worst thing one can do).  I'm happy to report that I've never watched the Apprentice, and the only way you'd get me to do it is to give me the Alexander DeLarge treatment.

Comic Gold:  If we thought Sarah Palin and Dubya make excellent fodder for comedians, imagine a Trump presidency. The possibilities are endless.Terrifying, yes, but we need to keep Bill Maher and Jon Stewart in business, and Congress can't do all the work alone.